2.5 litres of water
Some say that the office/cubicle life is shallow and unfulfilling. There’s a phrase associated with people that make such seemingly negative observations: “no shit sherlock!” If you’re like me, the office is all you got. It encompasses your life 9-10 hours a day without respite. Sometimes it even holds you hostage keeps you company on the weekend. Often times late at night when you should be doing this thing called “socializing,” whatever the fuck that is.
At some point over my two years here, each day sitting at my desk each day with that famous blank look on my face, I started to notice things. Strange wonderful things like the perfect way to slouch so no one can see that your eyes are shut and you don’t have to support you neck while you sleep. You learn things about people like who not to shake hands with because you sit close enough to the bathroom to know who doesn’t wash before going back to work.
It was another bathroom observation I made recently. I tend to make bathroom observations…
When I plop my carcass down in front of my Powered by Dell computer each morning, I tend to not leave my desk for the duration of my day. Guaranteed, if David is in the office, and I always am since I can’t never take a vacation, I will be sitting at my desk. If fact, there’s really only two occasions that warrant leave of my desk. One is at night when mercifully, I’m allowed to go home. The other times are at random points during the day when I make the one second trip to the bathroom which is so conveniently close.
“But what about eating?” you may ask. I see eating as filling my body with potential waste which will eventually require a trip to the bathroom. Most of the time I eat at my desk. I tend to keep food at my desk too, which has led to a couple interesting insect situations.
“But what about stopping by other folk’s desk to help them with their numerous problems or making photocopies or getting office supplies?” Wow, slow down. That’s almost too much office excrement excitement for me. Activities like that need to be grouped and must always end with a trip to the bathroom:
- Stop at Joe’s cube and tell him the status on those requests.
- Go to the printer to pick up/photocopy those requests.
- Grab some paper clips from the supply cabinet to organize those requests.
- On the way back, go to the bathroom.
It’s usually following routines like this that people stop by to talk to me. Great, you’re on the way to the pisser so you say “hi” and ask me if I’m ever going to cut my sideburns. Thanks. I think people do this also so they are time bound and they can only talk to me for so long. They have a time limit when talking to me because hell! they have to go pee. Who am I to keep them from that? It’s the only time they get to leave their desk.
So yeah. I drink 2.5 liters of water per day. Each sip may be another chance to leave my desk.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
i find that i am often an advocate of fecal/penis matters.
the picture reminds me of the time we burned down a portapotty in high school. it’s funny since despite my well known struggles against pyromania and fecalphelia, i had nothing to do with the incident. other than watching.
So what you’re saying is those reports are covered with fecal/penis matter?