Things that make you go “tee hee” behind a paper fan

Last weekend I was sitting at a table waiting for Thai takeout and there was this older Asian woman sitting by me, engrossed in a conversation with the waitress. I’m always intrigued when I hear fluent, barely or non-accented English coming out of older Asians because I’m first generation and pretty much only accustomed to Chinglish coming from the mouth of wise elders.

Well, after the conversation died down, the waitress went to the back and the woman started eating her food. Only a few bites in she stood up and started reaching deep into the pockets of her high-waisted jeans. The aisles are narrow at Siam Chan, so when the waitress returned, the lady was in the way, and caught in an awkward position of having her hands shoved down her jeans. As people often do when odd behavior is witnessed by others, the woman felt the need to qualify her actions and continue just a bit longer.

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NyQuil Poem

In addition to having the Bird Flu, I am now on NyQuil.

Here is the poem I am writing whilst on NyQuil:

Sentence structure, sloppy vision,

Can’t control my syntaxical decisions.

I smell like a sick person,

(whatver the hell that smells like),

But it so happens that I’m tired.

Little green caplets filled with alcohol.

Congratulations on making it to the end of this.

Because I think I just fell asleep.

An Imagined Conversation

Grace: So, I’ve been thinking of taking up prostitution.
Denny: Did I say you could talk to me?
Grace: BAAAA! Shut up.
Denny: Why prositution? Are you running out of money? Is a thin film growing over your vagina?
Grace: Nah, although… gross. I dunno. I think I’d just like the daily variety, you know? I enjoy the thrill of the proposition.
Denny: That makes a certain kind of sense
Grace: I was going to say that I love the thrill of the proposition, but I realized that I don’t love.
Denny: Then prositution is the perfect profession for you.
Grace: Although I don’t know if the rush would match the rush that I get when I come up with a good caption for a video. I mean a really good caption.
Denny: I can see that.
Grace: So, how’s the cat?
Denny: Dead.
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Stupid

I am stupid.  This is why I can never succeed in life.  I just spent a good 30 minutes (if not more), listing all the email addresses for the people in my group at work for someone in another department.  I just realized there is a feature that allows me to email everyone in my group, effectively listing all the emails in the “To” box in Outlook for me.

Why didn’t I notice this feature until after I had emailed my self-compiled list out?  Because I am one dumb mofo.