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Number four – you’ve been yelled at!
Screaming lady
1
Monthly Archives: April 2006
Swan Lake
The first case of bird flu in the UK has been found 10 miles away from me in Cellardyke. Clearly I’m going to get bird flu and die.
Perhaps the University of St. Andrews can use some of the money they’re not using giving us adequate housing WITHOUT (that’s WITHOUT) rodents and water damage and mould to erect a giant anti-bird flu barrier around the town.
Mercian vs. Mercedes
Those who know me have known that I am a clumsy fool. Yet, I’ve always enjoyed doing things that clumsy fools shouldn’t be good at, like dancing, cherry drops, gymnastics, and doing it. Several months ago I purchased and built up a beautiful vintage Mercian red-and-gold bicycle, which I have been riding almost every day to and from work and almost everywhere else, as well. On New Year’s, splendidly drunk and at near five am, I careened joyously through the streets of San Francisco sans helmet, fearing nothing. But, at the insistance of my boyfriend and fear for my own head I have begun wearing the awesome red helmet provided for me by said boyfriend. Unfortunately it has now seen some action.
Like, seriously.
I understand that Brad Pitt* look-a-likes are never going to come flocking to me like chickens at feeding time. But I never expected the type that actually DO come flocking to me to -well – flock to me.
I have recently been plagued by a slew of older balding men. And I would just like to say that this is not an exaggeration as many such claims can be. Here’s the proof:
Case 1: An older Caucasian gentleman came to the front desk to deliver something. As he was signing in, he said, “So, what do you think of old balding men who drive convertibles.” I just laughed. Nervously.
This weekend, I went to Nottingham for some personal business. Mapquest tells me this is a 336 mile journey, so we’re talking less than from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Yet somehow I passed through just about every city north of the Midlands to get there. On the way down it was a bus to Leuchars (the nearest city on the trainline to St. Andrews), train to Edinburgh, train to Derby, train to Nottingham. On the way back I ended up stopping in Newcastle so it was Nottingham to Sheffield to York to Newcastle and then from Newcastle to Edinburgh to Leuchars.
Sigh. I paid to do all that.
This merely proves that St. Andrews is a bad fucking place to live. And the included photograph describes how I felt about Nottingham.
But I don’t live in Nottingham, DO I?!?!