Monthly Archives: June 2006

Utterly, disgustingly decreipt

Posted on by
1

Somehow, on my relaxing holiday to the Rivieria, where all I was supposed to do is lay out on the beach, I managed to:
1. Get hit on by some 8 year olds
2. Give myself a nasty blood blister that hurts like a little bitch on the bottom of my left foot.

So I’ve been walking very gingerly since coming back, but it’s not really getting any better.  It’s damn hard to rest the bottom of your foot.

But yesterday I went to Dundee and walked around quite a bit, and it was okay.  It was starting to feel better.

Then lo, this morning, I woke up by getting a Charlie horse in my right calf muscle.  It was so fucking painful I wanted to die.

So now I’m limping on BOTH SIDES of my lower half.  Nothing is healing and I have to walk the 1.5 miles into town today to get something signed by my dissertation advisor.  It’s going to be a long, slow, painful penguin walk.

Early retirement

Posted on by
3

I haven’t even been 24 for a month yet I suffer from tendinitis not just in one but two wrists (computer, not trick related), an upset stomach from overly spicy P.F. Changs which I’m sure is to be followed by heartburn, a toothache that won’t quit do to stress-related teeth grinding, and an eye that hurts each time I blink (or seductively wink).

Right now I’m sitting on a chair on top of a wooden crate because while I was on vacation my chair was jacked by a new employee and never replaced. vidiLife.com provides free video and photo hosting and sharing
Something tells me it’s neither helping me with my posture nor my relevancy in this office. I can’t even leap up to do work because it’d probably result in splinters + an ambulance trip and surely that couldn’t be considered ergonomic/economic.

Anyway I vote for early retirement because if this is what it’s like at this age, I can’t even imagine what ailments I’d suffer from when I’m 65 and still working towards a depleted social security system.

Don’t try to make a getaway on a motorbike with someone you just met

Posted on by
1

Ok, so I’ve noticed that all my titles seem more like advice to some trashy 2 year old. But whatever.

So, I was out with this guy (that I’m really not into but he doesn’t stop texting and I was kind of bored so I decided to just meet up with him again), and he wanted to meet up with his cousin and friend at this roof top restaurant. I was hesitant at first, but I’m glad I did because they were much cuter! So, we get drunk (as assumed) and among other things I drop my phone off the balcony. But that isn’t the sad-sigh part, because it wasn’t broken. So, the night goes on and I get irritated at my friend for some reason or another and find it appropriate to take his friend home instead. So, in a sneaky get away the cuter friend said he would take me home on his motorbike while his friends went to another bar. All seemed to be going well, I had a good buzz going which made me love the wind against my face on the ride home. Then, we reach an unexpected security check point and have to pull over. I find out this guy only has his “student liscence” (don’t worry he’s 26, i’m not a pedaphile), and the police impound his motor bike right on the spot! I even try to bribe the police, but to no avail. So, the fun was all over in a snap- my new cuter friend was a little upset and went home. Hopefully he will get his motorbike out of lock down tomorrow morning. But I felt like God was watching me and being a cockblock. But I’d like to think maybe s/he was just helping me out in the longrun from something horrible happening, telling me don’t try to make a getaway on a motorbike with someone you just met.

EuroTrip Bonanza 2006 – Hate Crime: 1, Bug Bites: 1

Posted on by
1

Just got back from a two week vacation to London, Brighton and Sicily. What would this trip be without a mini Dork Report?

Let’s see pitfalls include:

- Not being British
- Earlyass flights
- Sleepless nights due to earlyass flights
- Dehydration and the lack of cash and water fountains in Rome’s airport
- Traveling
- The crappy exchange rate between the dollar and the pound/euro
- Stopovers
- Babies screaming in the seat right next to you for the entire 11 hour flight.
- Having to come home.
- and more.

Highlights of Sicily include:

- Watching beautiful people get married (Colleen and Salvo)
- Catching the bride’s bouquet and subsequently conking a little girl in the forehead.
- Exploring Siracusa, Sicily.
- Italian food.
- Meeting new people to drink liters of good win with.
- Eating a half-British baby (Henry Thomas).
- Wondering how Sicilians make a living when the entire island shuts down three hours a day for siesta.
- Getting a laughable tan (sunburn).

Highlights of England include:

- Refusing a once in a lifetime offer of a business class upgrade along with $400 travel credit to bump my flight to the next day because I had places to go (Brighton) and Ladyboys to see (of Bangkok).
- Enjoying a fabulously cheesy caberet show performed by the Ladyboys of Bangkok.
- Consuming large quantities of alcohol with the Brits and that one American living my desired life.
- Catching up with friends from Uni.
- British food.
- Convincing my gay friend to marry me for British Citizenship (successful).
- Getting only one bug bite (on my face).
- Getting hate crimed by a drunk and crazy lady in a semi-swanky bar in London. Now, this one’s interesting to me because this lady was alone and laughing and yelling to herself and no one in particular. She laughed when we laughed. When we made human language noises she emulated unintelligible drunk noises. She yelled about nothing and everything and everybody enjoyed the hilariousness of the situation even despite the great annoyance. At one point I returned from the toilet and she stopped me to say something about reading the Koran, and Chinese, and ::whistle whilst drinking motion:: which made no sense to me at all. I found out she’d done the same to my friends while I was gone. She also asked someone if they were from Dubai and forced herself upon the group even after they claimed they were just about to leave. After we drained our glasses and got up to leave for the night the lady said to me she says, “REMEMBER PEARL HARBOR!”

Me: Excuse me?
Crazy lady: The dropping of the bombs.
Me: Seriously?
Crazy lady: The bombs. Dropping the bombs at Pearl Harbor.

I was dying to let this go on, but we were leaving and a confrontation would only have amused me. So I ended it shortly with:

Me: Well, I’ll bomb you.

Probably not the best thing to say in these terroristy-times. Did I mention that my dynamite vest looked great on me that night? But I didn’t really have the desire to teach this lady a lesson. All I wanted to do was spout off the following. Since these hate crimes aren’t a rare occurance for me I should probably start traveling with a video iPod to educate people immediately (though I kindly request a do over in writing, pacing and “acting”):


commercials.smartvideochannel.com