Monthly Archives: July 2006

Another delightful cultural difference

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[In the gulag that St Andrews has deemed appropriate for student housing, a young female, age 23, enters a small dorm room. She is disgusted]

Kristin: There is something I have never seen before in our bathroom. (Shivering). It is, like, a huge lizard-head with wings.

Sarah: I don’t want to look at that!

Kristin: No, go look, go look!

[The two girls go look in the bathroom. SARAH shivers as well]

Sarah: That is -

Kristin: A big lizard-head with wings?!?

Sarah: The biggest moth I’ve ever seen.

Kristin: What do we do?!?! Can we suck it up with a vacuum cleaner?

Sarah: Maybe it’ll, er, go somewhere when the sun comes up.  Let’s hope.
[They continue to stare]

Kristin: Why. Why. Why why why?

Sarah: Dear Scotland, please invent the screen. Love, Sarah and Kristin

***

I am told by my British friends that screens are unheard of here. Now, granted there are only like 4 days of summer in Scotland (though, hell, it’s been damn hot in England I hear), but still, you’d think they’d at least outfit the houses not a hundred years old with screens. They’re so useful. You can open your windows so you don’t die on the 4 days when it is warm and allow the night breeze to come into your room and keep the GIANT LIZARD-HEADS WITH WINGS OUT.

Ahem.

I don’t much care for bugs.

Why Be A Hater On the Buckeye State?

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Today, I went to get my nose repierced.  I got it done last May, had to take it out in December, and missed it.  So I trotted over to the only piercer in town, down on South Street and weirdly named Angels.

The kid who did it was the usual pierced-everywhere-forked-tongue freak.  But he was a nice guy.  Except he seemed to have a slight prejudice.

I took my flatmate, Sarah, with me, who is from DC but went to Kenyon College in Gambier, OH.  The piercer asked her where she went to uni and she told him.

“Oh.  Ohio.  You shouldn’t be allowed in here,” he said darkly.  And then shaking himself he said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well,” she tried to explain, “I’m not actually from Ohio.  I just lived there.”

“Still….  No, it’s a long story.  No one from Ohio is allowed in the store.”  He declined to say more and the piercing was done then, with, ahem, some pain.  After the discussion we were left feeling rather awkward about the whole experience.  I forked over my money and we left to go get drinks.

Over wine, we discussed what possible prejudice people from Ohio could have inspired.  We came up with the following scenarios:

  • Buckeye massacre of some kind with peanut butter everywhere.  And I mean everywhere.
  • He had taken an ill-advised trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and was bitter about the experience of having to pay $20 to, you know, be in a big building in Cleveland.
  • His whole family was killed in a freak roller coaster accident at Cedar Point.
  • The Erie Baby ate his first love on above ill-advised trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and he’d be stuck on 14 year olds for the rest of his life a la Humbert Humbert.
  • Co-workers nearly bored to death by tourists from Ohio.

That was all we could come up.  I wonder which it was.

Scaryass Seal

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I must say that this video cracks me up for the following reasons:


facelesslady.smartvideochannel.com

1. Who the hell is daring/stupid enough to poke an elephant seal?
2. What guarantee does this kid have that she won’t immediately be killed?
3. The anguished cry of the seal.
4. The memories of being on Ano Nuevo beach when I was a kid and explicitly being warned never to approach an elephant seal due to their inexplicable speed despite their massive, body crushing size.
5. Just the thought of people even disturbing a seal for shits and giggles is so rude and hilarious at the same time.