L.A. Sexcapades
One of the advantages to living in an apartment complex is getting to know the folks around you in a neighborly way. In Los Angeles, befriending your neighbors is not a reality. Instead you pass each other in the halls never quite sure if they live there or if they’re just visiting. You’ve all had that moment where you enter your building and someone quickly follows after you – and then you wonder if you’ve just let in a murderer and if your neighbor’s going to end up dead because of you. Then you go towards your place in a quickened pace because you know you could just as easily be killed by the shady man you’ve just welcomed to murder you.
Anyway last night I went to sleep around 1 am and there were plenty of people up and about. That’s another thing about living in a row of apartment complexes – the inability to mask out noise of neighbors from other buildings, or homeless people digging for recyclables in the alley. If people decide to be loud and your asshole neighbor doesn’t decide to yell obscenities out the window, you have to deal with it. So if people are blasting R&B and hip hop music, you have to train yourself to fall asleep even though it’s impossible. And if you’re trying to drown out the music and you start hearing moaning and screams of excitement, you start thinking, is that really happening? Then you’re left trying to drown out sex noises, but at the same time in between the bass of the really terrible R&B, you end up listening to your neighbors having sex. And this isn’t the first time. Apparently, somewhere near me is a very passionate woman and I hope to God it’s not the older one with frizzy hair because that would just be disturbing.
So yes, my neighbors were sexing. This has happened before. Usually it’s in the morning when normal (single) people are still asleep, and after the screams and moans comes the slam of windows, one after the other. Last night, I presumed it was the same. But then mixed in with the intermittent moans was the sound of scraping wood. Ha ha. No, not like that you sick fucks. Like, furniture being moved. Right by my bed. Then the music stopped. Oh, God. Why did the music stop? And why did the squeaking bed noises start getting louder. And hello there, male moan – up until now I couldn’t be sure if the woman was by herself! Stop, fast squeaking bed, stop fast moans, where are you terrible R&B music??
After some hardcore action it became silent and footsteps were immediately heard walking away. I guess there was no time for cuddling. At least it was over – or so I thought. The moans started again. First girl, then guy, then girl, then I realized, I don’t think it’s just the people above me. It’s also people across the alley too! Unless of course voices carry over during round two.
All these people sexing and having moan offs and there I was with my mouth guard, just trying to sleep. Alone. But that being said, now my teeth are covered, so no more grinding. Or biting. =-o.
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You are a fucking genius.