[In the gulag that St Andrews has deemed appropriate for student housing, a young female, age 23, enters a small dorm room. She is disgusted]

Kristin: There is something I have never seen before in our bathroom. (Shivering). It is, like, a huge lizard-head with wings.

Sarah: I don’t want to look at that!

Kristin: No, go look, go look!

[The two girls go look in the bathroom. SARAH shivers as well]

Sarah: That is -

Kristin: A big lizard-head with wings?!?

Sarah: The biggest moth I’ve ever seen.

Kristin: What do we do?!?! Can we suck it up with a vacuum cleaner?

Sarah: Maybe it’ll, er, go somewhere when the sun comes up.  Let’s hope.
[They continue to stare]

Kristin: Why. Why. Why why why?

Sarah: Dear Scotland, please invent the screen. Love, Sarah and Kristin

***

I am told by my British friends that screens are unheard of here. Now, granted there are only like 4 days of summer in Scotland (though, hell, it’s been damn hot in England I hear), but still, you’d think they’d at least outfit the houses not a hundred years old with screens. They’re so useful. You can open your windows so you don’t die on the 4 days when it is warm and allow the night breeze to come into your room and keep the GIANT LIZARD-HEADS WITH WINGS OUT.

Ahem.

I don’t much care for bugs.