Back Pickup Lines 101
Here in Seattle, it has turned to autumn and the men appear to be restless.  I realise this is Sad Sigh and not Sex and the City but I *am* the girl who blogged about chafing after sex on a beach, so indulge me.
I spent Saturday in debauched carousing with my friend Eden first at a martini bar called Marcus’ in Pioneer Square and then at a hipster bar in Ballard called King’s where I caught the attention of the MOST STONED man I have ever met. He looked and sounded exactly like Pauley Shore. It probably WAS Pauley Shore. We were sort of trapped there as there was nowhere else to go in the bar where he and his friends wouldn’t find us. Eden got a free drink out of the experience and I got to add the following to my list of terrible pick up lines:
1. “Let’s make barnyard animal noises.” Um. Honk honk?
2. “You can come over and do some coke off my living room table.” What, too classy for dollar bills and mirrors?
3. “You’re very…busty” Oh. Well, they’re only Ds. I’m so happy you noticed.
4. “Are you playing footsie with me? We should do the same. Only naked.” Naked footsie playing? That’s drrrty!
5. “You’re gorgeous. You’re…um…gorgeous.” Way to be original!
Later, as I was leaving, another fellow, less stoned, launched himself at me and said, “Glasses! Lovely!” Yes. They are lovely glasses. They cost me $300 so they’d BETTER be lovely glasses. What’s your point?
 This makes me say “sad” for these men. It makes me say “sigh” only for myself. I’ve moved to Seattle now and apparently I’m knockin’ ‘em dead. But only the stoned and/or otherwise incoherent ones.
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Only Ds. Only Ds. hmph.