More Reasons to Keep My Damn Mouth Shut
I spent a long, long day at Bumbershoot, Seattle’s excellent arts, comedy and music festival, where we saw many, many excellent bands. My friend EZ and I had decided to see the guys from Human Giant as our comedy selection, but it turned out David Cross was a surprise addition to the comedy lineup. David Cross rules, so we got passes for the show. David Cross, in case you were unaware of this, is dating Amber Tamblyn, who recently was in that movie about magical pants.
Walking across one of the lawns toward to Intiman Theatre, I joked to EZ, “Hey, maybe we will see Amber Tamblyn.”
“Yeah,” said EZ, “We can tell her how much we loved her pants movie. Or we can just be rude and yell PANTS at her.” We had a good laugh. Why would Amber Tamblyn take time off from her busy pants-promoting schedule to come to lil’ ol’ Seattle?
We get settled in our seats and guess who sits directly behind us in the tiny theater.
Yeah. Amber Tamblyn.
Obviously, I am awesome! What I say happens! I am like God and all the infinite possibilities of the world are open to me!
So what do you think happened later when, sitting on the lawn watching the patently awful Saul Williams, I flinched as a seagull flew too low?
“Why are you so scared of them?” EZ asked.
“I’m afraid one will shit on me,” I explained.
Two seconds later, I had a big ol’ bird shit on the leg of my jeans.
Sigh.
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This is so awesomely sad it’s not even funny yet it is 100% hilarious. I kind of feel like your experience is the reason this site is still around. Might I inform all readers (Abe and Dennis), that Kristin texted me her shit on leg story and I let out a chortle of glee.