I looked over my finances today and declared to my mom that I had saved up enough money to go traveling to which she responded, “Yes, but that’s not enough for a down payment on a house.” I gave my usual response of, “Buy me a house in New York” and she said her usual, “Why always New York, just get a place in California” and then added something new, “You’re not meant for New York, you’re a Californian.”

In response, I strangled my mom, slowly adding more pressure around her neck, causing her to curse at me in Chinese. Then she lifted her arm up to my neck and put her hand around it in what I thought was an attempt to choke me back before she gasped out, “Quit…making…a…double…chin.”

Even in her “last moments” she couldn’t even give me any peace and had to have the last insult. So fitting, and when I yelled at her about what she had just done, she just laughed and laughed.