Sad.Sigh Down Under - Part 4
11.18.08 - Taronga Zoo, Oxford Street/Darlinghurst
Rachel, Jamie’s friend from The JC was supposed to leave to head back to the States this afternoon. However, before she was to do that, we decided to go to the Taronga Zoo, on Sydney’s North Shore. Jamie, who’s been to 167 zoos whilst she’s been here, (including world-famous Australia Zoo of dead-via-stingray Steve Irwin fame), opted out on account of her general lameness.
So, Rachel and I took the ferry from Circular Quay (pronounced Circular Key), and headed across the harbor (or harbour, if you’re an idiot), to the zoo’s dock. On the way, we got glorious sunshine and fantastic views of the Sydney skyline, including that MFing Opera House. There were many fat Australian, rude Korean, and clueless German tourists on the ferry with us. We judged all of them, being superior people ourselves.
At Taronga, we got to get up close and personal with Kangaroos, Wallabies, Emus, Cloud Leopards, and, my favorite, a Fennec Fox that looked a little like he wanted me to take him home with me. I would have if I could have; just smuggled him under my shirt, and dress him in a sweater, and call him Roscoe like the French Bulldog that I’ll probably never end up getting due to my fear of commitment. At any rate, we were literally 2 feet away from each of these creatures, and while none of them pecked/stomped/headbutted us, we did see a couple of them poop, and many of them actually sniffed and turned their backs on us. Stupid fucking snobby Australian animals. And it wasn’t just the Australian animals. Apparently this zoo does something to you - The Andean Condors were actively showing off… spreading their wings and trying to scare us away. (They’re really big. And kind of scary. Like - if I was an Incan living in the 15th century and saw one of these flying at me, I’d think it was God getting revenge for planting my quinoa on the wrong side of the mountain terrace. No wonder the Incas were so fucked up.) And the penguins even refused to be cute, instead deciding to poop all in the tank that we were watching them from. Not to mention the fact that the Platypi and Wombats were rude as shit, as the former were nowhere to be found in the 5 different enclosures that we were sent to. So much for the iconic animal of the Taronga Zoo… assholes. And the wombats… well… they’re nocturnal. And apparently, they sleep on their backs. So… you walk into the wombat burrow, and suddenly you’re confronted by a bunch of shapeless furry blobs (heh - I just wrote ‘blogs) that are actively showing you their genitals. I have a picture of this… to be posted soon.
After having been treated Rude as Shit by a bunch of arrogant animals… it was on to being hate crimed by human beings! At night, Jamie and I decided to go gay barring, (in all honesty - I decided to go gay barring, but I told Jamie that I’d pay for everything!), on Oxford Street in Darlinghurst. It’s actually pretty easy to get to from all over the city, and I may attempt to go back tonight to try again. ‘Why try again?’ you say? Well… because while it was easy enough getting food and drinks, apparrently the dancing codes require a strict dress code of ‘no sandals’. Now… I was wearing my grimy hiking shoes that just barely cover my feet. Conversely, Jamo was wearing strappy sandals that were quite nice. However, being that I’m a good looking boy, and Jamie has, you know, a vagina, this apparently was a perfect opportunity to get hate crimed by Sydney’s gay elite. As soon as we were ‘declined’ Jamo and I looked at each other and said ‘Holy Shit! I’ve NEVER been turned away from bar for that reason before.’ It was hilarious, gross, and kind of made me want to go back tonight, (without Jamie, who would probably try to punch the bouncer in the face), to see how much elite ass I could get. What extra Sad is that I’m usually the one getting hate crime for my Chineseyness, but this time the hate crime happed because of Womanness, something I’d know nothing about. (Grace? Kristin? Care to contribute?)
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Have I mentioned I hate you? There you are casually sauntering down the beach and I’m in wool moose socks, flannel pants, and an oversized sweatshirt. I just turned on the heater - and only because my parents are out of town!