Sad.Sigh Down Under - Parts 10 and 11
Happy Thanksgiving everybody! It’s my favorite holiday, and I found myself actually searching all of rural New Zealand for a turkey, some mashed potato casserole, cranberries, and a pumpkin pie. To no avail. It was sad. But, alas, it’s no longer T’Giving, so, Sigh.
11.26.08 - Queenstown - ADVENTURE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!!!!
The moniker is their’s and self imposed, so I feel obligated to shout it as loudly as I please in my sarcasto-blog.Got up late and headed to town filled with dread. Puttered, (literally, puttered), about while I was waiting to get to the NZone offices so they could take me to the drop point. Once there, I was briefed, made to put on a ridiculous flight suit, and then given over to my Tandem Master, Ricky. Ricky, (who was sporting a bitchin’ ‘Mo’ in support of Movember, was not the flying fox that I’d hoped for, but was very good with me, and did a good job reassuring any of my anxieties. However, it did get very homoerotic at certain points, when he instructed me to sit on his lap, while he felt me up. Once we were ’strapped in’, I was to be the first one out of the plane, (out of 3 of us), and we tipped to the left, and that was it. I’m not going to describe the skydive itself, as it was not Sad Sigh material, but I will describe the awful, bruising sensation that the harness made as soon as the cord was pulled. OMGina, my inner thighs will never be the same. I STILL feel like I was rode hard and put away wet. I literally couldn’t talk the entire way down, (there are about 6 minutes after you pull the cord to the time that you land), and actually contemplated losing my harness and plummeting to the earth to end the pain on my tender bits.
After that, I got back to town, did a street luge, saw some live kiwis (they’re much, MUCH bigger than you’ve ever expected. And FAST. I bet if they weren’t in enclosures, they would have attacked me, given my luck). And then I called it a night on account of oldness. Too much excitement for these old bones.
11.27.08 - Fox Glacier, Franz Josef
Traveled from Queenstown - ADVENTURE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!! - to Fox Glacier, one of the world’s only advancing glaciers (pronounced ‘glassiers’. Fell on my ass multiple times. The worst part was that I’d decided to wear my board shorts, because they were quick-drying, and realized too late that not only were my board shorts sized a bit gayer than regular board shorts, but that they were the exact same color as the hoodie that I’d decided to wear. At least when I took off the hoodie, I managed to get some sun, with no ridiculous tan lines, but my still-bleeding hand might not see that as a bonus.
We ended the day in Franz Josef, a town of 500, where my hotel/hostel’s room had a shower that was operated by push-button technology. This is akin to those sinks that never stay on long enough for you to get the soap off your hands. Except shower sized.
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Ew. Rode hard and put away wet. I hate that expression.