Stay-in-Bed Lady/Baby

After a couple weeks of being a devoted stay-in-bed lady I started getting out of the house more, walking to places, or going on mini food excursions to occupy my time. However, I was inspired to start a new site so I poured some time into it last night and again this morning (right before lunch). My dad of course has witnessed the daytime dwelling but my mom has generally been busy and out of the apartment. So, on a weekend, this new surge of staying in bed caused her to comment on my laziness and need to get up and do things. She brought lunch to my room, which I ate from my bed, took the bowl out, and brought back more food. Shameful, I know. Then around 3pm before she headed out to go dancing (proof that my parents are more active than me) she came into my room and handed me a banana saying “It’s how you like it” because I refuse to eat overly ripe bananas.

“I’m not a baby!” I exclaimed from bed.

“That’s right you’re not a baby, you’re a disability,” she replied, walking out of my room.

The saddest part was I had started to feel hungry and wanted to venture out to grab a snack but was too preoccupied reading SEO secrets. But my mom anticipated this, as any good mother of a lazily-disabled lady baby would. And like any proud lady would do, I waited until my parents left the house before peeling and eating the banana.

Wanky Eye

I came home tonight after having a rare “night” “out” and was greeted by my mom who looked at me and said “She finally returns” quickly followed by “You put eye makeup on?” What’s sad about that is:

A) I usually don’t bother with makeup except for “fancy” occasions because of numerous failed attempts to put it on due to inept eyelids (not related to epicanthal folds).
B) My night out consisted of dinner at an Indian buffet and an early evening showing of Slumdog Millionaire.
C) At this point out, getting dressed is considered dressing up, so maybe, time permitting (who am I kidding, all I have is time), I might have actually put eyeliner up before stepping out to a buffet. Flash forward to me in middle America eating at Hometown Buffet in sweats wearing drag queen make up.
D) I did not have eyeliner on, my mom was actually referring to my unusually large eyelid crease on my left eye, which flipped out more than usual because I slept too much, and the only reason I knew what my mom was talking about is because when this happens I can feel that my eyelid is not in its usual place.

Another International Sad-Sigh

Went to Canada this weekend with my girlfriends.  The trip was really fun, until we attempted to cross back into the US.  We were “randomly” selected for a full car search at the border and “randomly” I (with my Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan visas) and my friend who has a student visa from Yemen, 4 stamps from Oman, and stamps from Qatar and Dubai were “randomly” interviewed by Homeland Security.  Pointed statements included “Did you go to Syria?  No?  Good” and some strange remarks about the “Islamists” in Norway.

But it was totally “random,” as they told us about 10 times.  And so that flag I heard them talk about that may or may not be on my passport now is totally “random” too, I bet.

Mosquito nets + Malaria pills = Fun

Before heading to India I got all sorts of shots and vaccinations but the disease I was most worried about was malaria since I am prone to mosquito bites. Both Daniel and I opted for Mefloquine tablets (even though he said I’d be his bug repellent) to help fight off malaria if exposed to it. But they say prevention is the best solution, by wearing long clothing, spraying repellents, and using mosquito nets. Long sleeves and repellents were usually enough for me until we arrived at Moti Hotel in Mumbai, probably the grossest hotel we’ve stayed in, and the first place I feared getting eaten alive at night. It was a combination of Mumbai being hot and humid, having the quintessential Indian bathroom that had no separate shower stall, so water got everywhere (to stand and breed mosquitos), and a creepy open window that seemed to allow anything to come in (no terrorists, please).

After having my face attacked by mosquitos during my sleep in Greece my friend bought me a mosquito net as a joke, and I held on to it for years, until I finally felt I would need it in India, and whipped it out in Mumbai. At the time, Daniel was dying a slow death from some mysterious throat infection aka social disease, and was on a combination of medications, including Mefloquine which contributed to his delirium. The side effects include “strange dreams” and I’ve heard stories of hallucinations involving Tinkerbell. Both of us had reported to each other stranger dreams than normal when on Mefloquine.

That night, he woke and asked me “did you feel that?” and I said “What?” and he said “Something just landed on me.” After a bit he realized it was a dream, and in that dream I had casually told him it was a “land on” and said land on was a glow-in-the-dark flip flop. He also recalled me running crazily around the bed.

Prior to bed I had put the net over my face but realized I could not breath easily since gravity sort of left the net draped over my nose/mouth. I put on my hat, hoping the brim would provide enough space to breathe, and went to sleep on my back, because it was awkward sleeping on my side with the hat on. The bathroom door was closed (to prevent mosquitos from flying through the window at us) but a sliver of light still came through. It was enough to provide some lighting for the room. Daniel was lucky and had to take the Mefloquine that night, putting him at risk for strange dreams. So when he woke in the middle of the night and saw me, sleeping with my contraption, snoring because I was on my back, he freaked the fuck out, and reported silent terror at the black mask beside him.

Imagine this, but filled with a pale face, in the darkness:

A real picture might exist, but Daniel claims he was respectful enough not to film me snoring madly through my mask.