Monthly Archives: March 2009

Looking like the octo-mom on a sunday morning

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So last night I had planned to stay in and relax, watch the RuPaul’s Drag Race Reunion show, and figure out a plan for my life – yes, all in one night. But in a quarter life crisis haze (“in a few years i’ll be too old to go out!”) I decided to meet up with my friends. I think I was being punished because by the time I met up with everyone they were pretty drunk already, and while dancing with one of the drunkest girls she accidentally slammed her head into my mouth. I left early since I was afraid to continue drinking with a fresh wound in my mouth, and with a straight up busted lip and blood trickling down into my teeth even I knew I was not appropriate to be out in public- even in the dark.

I woke up this morning looking like octo-mom fresh after a collagen injection! I actually don’t mind it to much, and if anyone at work asks me what happens I’ll respond in an Amy Sedaris fashion and say “I finally met a guy, and I think we’re in love!”

EDIT: I forgot to mention, when I told Lesley about this she called me octo-fag =/

Baltimore scared me

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Tonight, Baltimore scared the shit out of me not because of the creepy people roaming the trash-filled streets at night, not because of the squalor portrayed in The Wire, but because some insane beetle decided out of nowhere to fly into the room I’m staying in, hover towards the lamp while loudly buzzing it’s creepyass beetle buzz. It started to go towards my laptop so I jumped out of bed, looked around at all the things I couldn’t hit it with, and grabbed Interview magazine out of my backpack to roll into a swatter. The beetle started gaining momentum as it seemed to reenergize in the light so I panicked and whapped the beetle with the magazine towards the desk. Too scared to check on it immediately, I heard some slight ticking before it went silent enough for me to tell Abe I almost crapped my pants. He suggested I continue my search for the beetle, I calmed down a bit, looked under the desk and saw/heard nothing. Figuring it finally died after my mortally-wounding blow, I got back on the bed with the intention to Sad-Sigh how crazy I must have looked (the blinds are open) when I leapt out of bed doing my best not to scream the way I scream when things fly at me.
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Sports Nerd

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I watch too much hockey.  Today I found myself watching a game between that yellow and gold Boston team and that team that plays in Newark.  What are they called?

Anyway, point being… I’m a big ol’ homo, so I shouldn’t be this obsessive about sport, particularly about Canadian sport.  I realized this when I was listening to my new Lonely Island CD on my way to the gym, (where I watched hockey, natch), and a song came on that pretty much summed up my feelings on the subject.

Oh yeah, and I just spent the last hour reading recaps of every single game that was played today.  I’m that cool.

Home on a Friday night

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I hate how my body and social life never seem to be in sync. Last weekend I got what seemed to be the flu literally right when I got home from work on Friday evening – when I had plans for the whole weekend. Of course it didn’t stop me from going out as it was my friend’s bday, but let’s just say I learned my lesson that thera flu + alcohol = blacking out. There are enough obnoxious, drunken Daniel stories on this blog so I’ll spare everyone details.

This week I’m feeling fine and ready to get my mind off of a crazy as shit work week, but sadly have nowhere to go and no friends around. =/ Sad. Sigh. I guess I need a hobby. Or more friends.

Sassed on the street by a stranger

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I was walking past a gas station with Lesley in Brooklyn trying not to make eye contact with a man sitting in an awkwardly parked van when I heard someone say something to my left.

By instinct, I turned around only to see a man pumping gas before realizing he had said, “That’s sexy.”

Of course when I turned around, he must have thought I thought he was talking about me, so he made sure to tell me, “Not you. The other one. She’s got a bigger chest.”

Which is true. By far. You heard it here first.