So last night I had planned to stay in and relax, watch the RuPaul’s Drag Race Reunion show, and figure out a plan for my life – yes, all in one night. But in a quarter life crisis haze (“in a few years i’ll be too old to go out!”) I decided to meet up with my friends. I think I was being punished because by the time I met up with everyone they were pretty drunk already, and while dancing with one of the drunkest girls she accidentally slammed her head into my mouth. I left early since I was afraid to continue drinking with a fresh wound in my mouth, and with a straight up busted lip and blood trickling down into my teeth even I knew I was not appropriate to be out in public- even in the dark.

I woke up this morning looking like octo-mom fresh after a collagen injection! I actually don’t mind it to much, and if anyone at work asks me what happens I’ll respond in an Amy Sedaris fashion and say “I finally met a guy, and I think we’re in love!”

EDIT: I forgot to mention, when I told Lesley about this she called me octo-fag =/