Homeless Tendencies

In the past two days I’ve been accused of being homeless by two different people. First, I was ridiculed by Abe for the way I looked in a borrowed, oversized army jacket – that I agree with but it was freezing and windy as hell, and I’m a sensible lady. I don’t make disproportionately muscled boys take off their shirt in public to give me to wear as an act of chivalry (Asians on Market). I dress myself with muscled boy’s jacket before leaving the house.

Second, I was accused of living like the homeless people in “The Soloist” which I haven’t seen to dispute, and it was such a specific insult. Of course, this came from my mom who was harassing me about the messy state of my room which has several half unpacked bags from recent trips. As she walked down the hall she yelled that I might as well get a shopping cart to store and push all my stuff with. This is why my mom’s not allowed to go to the movies. I’m concerned because we’re about to watch Doubt.

Conversation with an ex boyfriend with whom it ended badly

Scene:  Busy Seattle street.  I am rushing, on my way to brunch with an aquaintance when I see a larger, baldy dude with a tall teenager next to him.  Oh shit!  It’s that guy

Him:  (noticing me) Ahhhhh!

Me: Ahhhh!  Uh….

(Pause while we try to remember social graces)

Him: Uh, you remember [his daughter]?

Me: Yeahhhhhh….how are…you…both?

Him: Fine.  We’re fine.

Me: Me, uh, too.

Him:  I like your…hair.

(another long pause)

Me:  Okaaaaaygottagobye!

***

I brushed passed him and his daughter and literally RAN to my destination.  Sigh.  It’s moments like this that make me wish I had the tiniest bit of social grace…or at the very least a hot boy toy to cart around with me in case this situation happens again.

Hot weather sucks

One of the bad things about not having an office to go to is being unable to escape the daytime heat whenever there’s some horrendous heat wave that strikes without warning. There’s nothing worse than being trapped at home all day wearing nothing but a wife beater and underwear, slaving over a hot stove all the while thinking about all the things that could be done if it weren’t so gosh darn hot. Blech. It’s not supposed to be like this, people. San Francisco is supposed to be foggy and windy, damnit!

The East Coast made me a hungry beast

When I was actually out there, I was never hungry because I was constantly full of delicious food ranging from homemade pancakes from scratch, potato pancakes, tasty NY pizza, mac n cheese, and even a couple not-so-bad Mexican meals. In Baltimore, we cooked fantastic Mediterranean food, tipsily made a mushroom and artichoke lasagna, and made apple turnovers and banana pudding. I also ate Coldstone and Taco Bell because that’s what you do in the suburbs.

What’s the problem then? Well, I’ve returned home now and am not constantly inundated with food, nor have I been seeking stuff to eat throughout the day at delicious restaurants that don’t really exist in townieville. At home with the parents, the fridge is filled with vegetables that I don’t have the gumption to prepare on my own, without Emily as my cooking partner. Reliant on my dad for food, I am left with eating on a normal schedule, and otherwise left fending for myself.

After 2.5 weeks of gorging, my stomach and waistline are shrinking back to normal size. But in the meantime, my stomach is hungry. All the time. To the point where I demanded food from my dad an hour before he normally cooks dinner, and he told me to eat something else first. So I had toast. And a piece of cake. And I was still starving and ate each dish as they made it to the table. Today, i woke up hungry, had a microwaved pizza for “brunch” and have been starving at several points throughout the day. While traveling, I wondered what it felt like to feel hunger. Now, I’m just waiting for my next meal. Conclusion? Time to go back east.