In a way I’m happy to not have to be working and dealing with the break-up. At the same time, work might be exactly the type of distraction I need from it. The ex tends to occupy my thoughts the majority of the day, and when I wake up too early in the morning and start drifting back to sleep, all it takes is a split-second thought of him to render me wide awake. But now, for the past couple of days, it seems day time thoughts haven’t been enough, and my subconscious is causing me to dream about him at night. And they’re not the best of dreams either. They’re the ones that really just sort of unveil my insecurities and make me wake up feeling like shit, even though it’s just a dream.

I guess the upside to all of this is my usual fatty self hasn’t been in full eating mode, as it usually has been. Feeling hunger is sort of rare, and when I do feel it, sometimes it just switches to nausea. Even if I’m hungry, and I start eating, I find it difficult to finish, but pick on my food because I know I’ll probably be hungry later – and then I’m not. It sounds a bit dramatic, but it’s not, I’m eating enough. It’s just weird because I really like eating, and my “I eat what I want” attitude has led to some weight gain. Now, I’m down to my college weight and my muffin top jeans are too big. I need a new belt. Or, a new wardrobe. Or, I just want to be able to eat like normal again, even if normal = gluttonous. Because what’s the point of eating if you can’t even enjoy it? The only good thing about it is my double chin has lost some prominence. Woot.