Author Archives: Daniel

Looking like the octo-mom on a sunday morning

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So last night I had planned to stay in and relax, watch the RuPaul’s Drag Race Reunion show, and figure out a plan for my life – yes, all in one night. But in a quarter life crisis haze (“in a few years i’ll be too old to go out!”) I decided to meet up with my friends. I think I was being punished because by the time I met up with everyone they were pretty drunk already, and while dancing with one of the drunkest girls she accidentally slammed her head into my mouth. I left early since I was afraid to continue drinking with a fresh wound in my mouth, and with a straight up busted lip and blood trickling down into my teeth even I knew I was not appropriate to be out in public- even in the dark.

I woke up this morning looking like octo-mom fresh after a collagen injection! I actually don’t mind it to much, and if anyone at work asks me what happens I’ll respond in an Amy Sedaris fashion and say “I finally met a guy, and I think we’re in love!”

EDIT: I forgot to mention, when I told Lesley about this she called me octo-fag =/

Home on a Friday night

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I hate how my body and social life never seem to be in sync. Last weekend I got what seemed to be the flu literally right when I got home from work on Friday evening – when I had plans for the whole weekend. Of course it didn’t stop me from going out as it was my friend’s bday, but let’s just say I learned my lesson that thera flu + alcohol = blacking out. There are enough obnoxious, drunken Daniel stories on this blog so I’ll spare everyone details.

This week I’m feeling fine and ready to get my mind off of a crazy as shit work week, but sadly have nowhere to go and no friends around. =/ Sad. Sigh. I guess I need a hobby. Or more friends.

Watch the smell…

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I had the worst headache at work, and was spotted continually rubbing my neck while on a video conference call with my co-worker now based in NY (damn those web cams). So, I ran over a few blocks away to Bed Bath & Beyond to get some tylenol. Some areas of SOMA are actually a bit sketchy, and there was a guy with a bucket splashing water from a puddle all over the place but I couldn’t be bothered as I was on a mission. But as I walked by he politely said “watch the smell! someone went to the bathroom… disgusting!” And he was right. It reeked of human shit, piled high in the gutter and somewhat smeared on the tire of a truck. I was already feeling nauseous because of my headache, but this just about made me puke right there. Morettis are known to have weak stomachs. But I kept thinking what a nice guy, warning me about the upcoming smell and taking the liberty to wash away the human fecal matter with rain water and a bucket. But it seemed so odd it make me think what the hell was going on. Was it him that took the shit? Then I thought about the person who owned the truck. Could you imagine coming back to your car and feeling crazy because you swear you smell shit nearby, and swear that there’s watering down shit smeared on your tire, but no clear evidence confirming these suspicions… Just writing this post makes me gag a little bit.

Bitch.

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After a stressful week at work, I went with a friend to treat ourselves to some Bi-Rite ice cream. It was creepily warm for a mid-November evening, and while walking down 18th St . there was this dog hanging half way out of a first floor window, acting like a trashy woman propping herself against the windowsill and people watching. After thinking “how cute!!” because I love when animals act like humans, particularly trashy humans, but then the sad-sigh kicked in and I got jealous and thought “Bitch! I want to be her!”

Would you like some cheese with my whine?

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So, this is going to be a boring post where basically all I’m going to do is whine. There you go, that’s my warning. Grace said it’ll make me not want to die so much, so I’ll give it a try.

I don’t know why I jumped from one job that I constantly complained about right into another. My last job I loved my work but hated the people. This job the people are nice but the work isn’t quite matched with my skillset or interest, which I should’ve known but I was just determined to get a new job. I think I want out of the non-profit arts, start-up mentality world. I think I need a “get well” job even though I’m not in rehab or anything. Maybe working at a cute little bookstore in the Castro where I can’t take any work home with me, and have time to really focus on my social life (priorities, bitch!) and some creative projects on the side.

I was home in San Jose last weekend and out at this gay club called Splash and I realized San Jose gays are weird! But then I started thinking what if I just stayed in San Jose, and grew into one of them; shaved my head, got a tattoo on my neck and still plucked my eyebrows. Maybe I would fit in? They seemed so happy…

Nah, I’m much more of the trashed out, drugged up, screaming queen San Francisco type. Or maybe I should move to the desert like I’ve been feeling so compelled to do for some reason (I wonder what desert gays are like?!)

All I know is I need more excitement in my life. While I was at Splash dancing with some guy that I didn’t even like who left HIS SWEAT STAINS ON MY SHIRT, my best friend was texting me about her threesome with 2 Aussie guys in Las Vegas. Bitch.

Hmm, my wanting-to-die meter went down from like an 8 to a 7. Maybe you’re right about this sad.sigh posting thing, Grace.;) Sorry guys, you might just be hearing more from me in the next few days…