Author Archives: Kristin

About Kristin

Recent transplant to the Northwest. I didn't escape the sadness.

Klutzy

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I was all excited to open this post with a song lyric.  Belle & Sebastian’s “Act of the Apostles II,” which I thought contained the lyric “I’m a genius / a prodigy / My sad sighs / are up for a prize.”  Prize-winning Sad Sighs??  Yes, please.

Turns out “my sad sighs” is actually “at maths and science”.  Stupid Scottish accent.  So that is not relevant at all.

ANYWAY.

I’m just here to report on a small Sad Sigh.  I’ve had a nosering for, like, 5 years now.  See:

Me

So I’m used to it, right?  Except that apparently the other night I rolled over violently on that side of my face OR SOMETHING because now I have a cut inside my nostril and a bruise surrounding the cut from the nose ring.

Yes, that’s right, I injured myself in my sleep with my own nose ring.  My friends know that I’m very prone to falling down randomly, dropping glasses, and generally being awkward, but apparently I’m also capable of hurting myself when I’m dead asleep.

Let this be a lesson, Sad Sighers

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This afternoon, I come to share the news that honorary Sad Sigh writer Morrissey collapsed and was taken to the hospital, causes unknown.

Speculation abounds! What could have toppled the former Smith’s lead singer, responsible for lyrics such as “I’ve a shyness that is criminally vulgar” and “life is a pigsty” and “life has killed me”?

Grace: Do you think sorrow brought him down?

Kristin: I think he collapsed under the weight of his own tears.

That’s right!  We know what made Morrissey collapse!  And let this be a lesson to you all as well.  Sadness has its price!  IT HAS ITS PRICE.

Conversation with an Ex with Whom It Ended Badly – Part the 2nd

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So, this has really got to stop happening….

I ran into that guy AGAIN today. Actually, more precisely, I ran into his daughter in the ladies room at the local bookstore. She looked me up and down and said “Oh. You. Hi!”

“Hello…” I responded. “Nice to see you.” I then quickly exited hoping her dad wouldn’t be waiting for her. He was. No escape.

We were actually pretty civil and, fortunately, I’m wearing an extremely work inappropriate outfit today, with a super tight top and skirt, so you know. I got that going for me. Looking hot is the best revenge…or something?

Anyway, I’ve happily settled into a seemingly stable relationship with a new guy (although, I thought that 3 months ago and that guy turned out to be a lying, cheating jerkola, but that’s another sad sigh for another time; remember that I am the Cathy of Sad Sigh) so seeing the ex didn’t have as jarring an effect on me this time as it did last time. Not that I regret getting rid of him, it’s just, you know, being dumped for being too smart has a rather, um, terrible effect on the self-esteem of even the brashest of young ladies, ya dig?

But, universe, just because I’m used to seeing him now doesn’t mean you have to throw him in my face, OK? I get it. He still exists. He didn’t die of heart failure while having sex with someone else. Now let’s all pick up and move on. Because he neither lives nor works in my city, so he has NO REASON for being here so goddamned often. Got it, universe?

Conversation with an ex boyfriend with whom it ended badly

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Scene:  Busy Seattle street.  I am rushing, on my way to brunch with an aquaintance when I see a larger, baldy dude with a tall teenager next to him.  Oh shit!  It’s that guy

Him:  (noticing me) Ahhhhh!

Me: Ahhhh!  Uh….

(Pause while we try to remember social graces)

Him: Uh, you remember [his daughter]?

Me: Yeahhhhhh….how are…you…both?

Him: Fine.  We’re fine.

Me: Me, uh, too.

Him:  I like your…hair.

(another long pause)

Me:  Okaaaaaygottagobye!

***

I brushed passed him and his daughter and literally RAN to my destination.  Sigh.  It’s moments like this that make me wish I had the tiniest bit of social grace…or at the very least a hot boy toy to cart around with me in case this situation happens again.