Category Archives: Awkward

Conversation with an ex boyfriend with whom it ended badly

Posted on by
4

Scene:  Busy Seattle street.  I am rushing, on my way to brunch with an aquaintance when I see a larger, baldy dude with a tall teenager next to him.  Oh shit!  It’s that guy

Him:  (noticing me) Ahhhhh!

Me: Ahhhh!  Uh….

(Pause while we try to remember social graces)

Him: Uh, you remember [his daughter]?

Me: Yeahhhhhh….how are…you…both?

Him: Fine.  We’re fine.

Me: Me, uh, too.

Him:  I like your…hair.

(another long pause)

Me:  Okaaaaaygottagobye!

***

I brushed passed him and his daughter and literally RAN to my destination.  Sigh.  It’s moments like this that make me wish I had the tiniest bit of social grace…or at the very least a hot boy toy to cart around with me in case this situation happens again.

Looking like the octo-mom on a sunday morning

Posted on by
1

So last night I had planned to stay in and relax, watch the RuPaul’s Drag Race Reunion show, and figure out a plan for my life – yes, all in one night. But in a quarter life crisis haze (“in a few years i’ll be too old to go out!”) I decided to meet up with my friends. I think I was being punished because by the time I met up with everyone they were pretty drunk already, and while dancing with one of the drunkest girls she accidentally slammed her head into my mouth. I left early since I was afraid to continue drinking with a fresh wound in my mouth, and with a straight up busted lip and blood trickling down into my teeth even I knew I was not appropriate to be out in public- even in the dark.

I woke up this morning looking like octo-mom fresh after a collagen injection! I actually don’t mind it to much, and if anyone at work asks me what happens I’ll respond in an Amy Sedaris fashion and say “I finally met a guy, and I think we’re in love!”

EDIT: I forgot to mention, when I told Lesley about this she called me octo-fag =/

Home on a Friday night

Posted on by
1

I hate how my body and social life never seem to be in sync. Last weekend I got what seemed to be the flu literally right when I got home from work on Friday evening – when I had plans for the whole weekend. Of course it didn’t stop me from going out as it was my friend’s bday, but let’s just say I learned my lesson that thera flu + alcohol = blacking out. There are enough obnoxious, drunken Daniel stories on this blog so I’ll spare everyone details.

This week I’m feeling fine and ready to get my mind off of a crazy as shit work week, but sadly have nowhere to go and no friends around. =/ Sad. Sigh. I guess I need a hobby. Or more friends.

Another International Sad-Sigh

Posted on by
3

Went to Canada this weekend with my girlfriends.  The trip was really fun, until we attempted to cross back into the US.  We were “randomly” selected for a full car search at the border and “randomly” I (with my Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan visas) and my friend who has a student visa from Yemen, 4 stamps from Oman, and stamps from Qatar and Dubai were “randomly” interviewed by Homeland Security.  Pointed statements included “Did you go to Syria?  No?  Good” and some strange remarks about the “Islamists” in Norway.

But it was totally “random,” as they told us about 10 times.  And so that flag I heard them talk about that may or may not be on my passport now is totally “random” too, I bet.

Another awkward blog about my relationship troubles…

Posted on by
6

When did I become the Cathy of Sad Sigh? And is Cathy even a relevant comparison anymore? Didn’t even SHE get married? Should I have said Bridget Jones? Or is THAT too outdated too. Oof. See? I’m even awkward about writing about relationships.

At the beginning of 2008, I made a deal with myself that I would put myself “out there” more (read: internet dating). Turns out, “out there” is a scary, scary place, full of insecure boys and terrifying facial hair. I have officially closed the Internet Dating Experiment because, in the end, this is what I got:

1. One relationship with a dude who told me he was interested in polygamy.

2. Three dates with someone who got progressively more insane as the evenings wore by, getting horrifically drunk on our last date and professing that he loved me. LOVED me. After a week and a half of knowing me.

3. A failed relationship with someone whose parting shot at me was that I was too smart to be dateable and who may or may not have had a small heart attack while we were having sex.

Sigh.

On top of which, I now have 4 weddings to attend in the latter half of 2009, and no one to attend with me, nor am I likely to meet anyone in Seattle, haven for the aggressively shy indie boy, a male type that drives me completely batty (except when this type comes in the form of the older brother of a high school chum, who I delight in flirting with as much as possible to make him feel uncomfortable). Another high school friend is engaged, and I seem to be the only person left from high school not in any sort of serious relationship. And, in the end, this blog is about making my high school friends feel extremely awkward with me oversharing, so I’m going to admit something on this blog that I would never, ever admit in person.

I AM AFRAID OF DYING ALONE.