Category Archives: Awkward

The Curse of Karma

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I guess after spending more time than ordinary bashing the looks of Michael Phelps (which wasn’t an issue before Dennis analyzed his fucked up face) I had my payback, which was an extensive dream of not only having Michael Phelps in my dream, but attempting to be him too. Sure, some would argue that being Michael Phelps wouldn’t be that bad – the whole being good at something and the money that follows. However, if I were Michael Phelps and anyone gave Dennis a thousand dollars, I would be tongued by Dennis along my teeth. Sick.

Anyway, so in my dream I had received two bronze medals for events unexplained. I did, however, grab both medals, which suddenly turned into big, bronze ears, and hold them up to my head and go “Eh he, I’m Michael Phelps!” at which point I saw myself as Michael Phelps holding up very exaggerated ears up to my head. What this means, I’m not sure. But clearly, given the choice, I would have dreamt about something far more pleasant, like Dennis’ smooth, flat surface. Curse you, karma!

CBD Update 1

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So.

My first text came at 11:01 this morning saying that they ‘*may* have a date for me with Zachary Sun between 7 & 10 pm.  Immensely curious, I promptly logged in and confirmed the date.  When asked what my choice of neighborhood was, I selected Hell’s Kitchen (natch) and proceeded to pick out a few bars I was either familiar with, or truly enjoyed before.  I got another confirmation text saying that he’d like to make some changes, so he suggested fancy bars in Union Square and the Flatiron.

Well… this is what I know of him from the website.  His name is Zachary.  He’s 26.  (Dating someone my age… what a novel idea.)  He’s Jewish, and from the South.  (I’m a sucker for southern boys.)  He’s either a lawyer or a law student.  Well, I figure if he’s a lawyer, I’m going to let him pick the fancy bar, because I’m also going to let him pick up the tab, me being piss poor and all.

Here’s the thing that makes this Sad.Sigh worthy; (although this entire process has been semi-awesome?) in the original text message it says, ‘… date with Zachary Sun btw 7 & 10 pm’.  I thought the dude’s name was Zachary Sun, and my initial reaction was, ‘Fuck!  Not another Asian!’

Just goes to show how open minded I am, hate criming before I’ve met.

More to come.

Pedophilia: Hilarious!

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So, you remember the dude who dumped me who I wasn’t really dating at the time?

Now we are dating for reals. He is 11.5 years older than me, no lie, but he’s a nice guy so whatever. Age ain’t nothin’ but a number, right, or so said the late, great, Aaliyah?

Wrong.

It’s a little creepy when your new boyfriend starts referring to you as “the 7 year old [he] took to the prom.” As in, this is his idea of a laugh riot. But it’s not mine.

CBD

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Okay.

After a bit of blog wandering, (starting from here, and then through here, and ending up here), I’ve officially signed myself up for a Crazy Blind Date.  This is a date where the company contacts you within 24 hours of your prospective date via text message, and matches you up with someone who fits your criteria.

Nuts?  Probably.  Deliciously evil potential Sad.Sigh material?  Definitely.

I mean, as if my life weren’t sad enough, I get to add the extra awkward element of blind dating, to the already-pathetic layer of internet dating, all already on top of the realization that I kind of detest dating in general, and if casual sex weren’t so gauche, the prospect of having to go through a series of dates to find a suitable match might make me want to die.

But I haven’t actually tried it out yet.

Will keep you posted.