Category Archives: Decrepit

Building Woes

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So I moved to a new office building and despite the nice view of the bay – I can see planes take off and land at SFO – there are a few things that are a bit unnerving about the actual facilities:

1) All three elevator permits expired in 2006 and there are stories that people have been trapped in them during the weekend. I still take them rather than hoofing up and down four flights.

2) The womens bathroom has archaic disposal methods for period stuff and on top of that, the toilets don’t really flush. It takes several flushes to get the toilet seat cover and toilet paper down so I feel bad for those flushing logs of shit and tampons, especially at the same time.

3) Our actual office probably fits around 100 people, we have 8. So, something tells me I won’t have to worry about flushing and elevatoring fairly shortly.

What ails ye?

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On a whim, I went back into our archives and looked up everything in the category ‘decrepit’.

From the post ‘Utterly, Disgustingly Decrepit’:

Then lo, this morning, I woke up by getting a Charlie horse in my right calf muscle.  It was so fucking painful I wanted to die.

So now I’m limping on BOTH SIDES of my lower half.  Nothing is healing and I have to walk the 1.5 miles into town today to get something signed by my dissertation advisor.  It’s going to be a long, slow, painful penguin walk.

There were a multitude of these from 2006-2007.  However, it appears that our physical calamity has evaporated and been replaced by ennui.

You guys.  Boredom and melancholy are dull.  Let’s hurt ourselves!  Otherwise, we fail at finding the funny in the sad (read: broken extremities), even more than we fail at life in general.

Flents

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This is a Meta-Sad-Sigh.

As I was looking around my room for things for me to Sad Sigh about, I happened to see the eye patch sitting on my desk that I bought because I thought the guy on the box was kinda hot.

You can see a picture of it right here:

See? He\'s hot! I\'m going to call him \'Flenty\'.

As you can see, he’s mightily attractive, but I couldn’t find a good picture of him when I did a standard google search.

So…….

Continue reading →

Inadvertently Insulting

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Today our CEO declared it “girl’s day” before handing out free samples of skin care product to all of us out in the open area. We accepted each gift with a meager thanks, as these charitable gifts come occasionally and randomly. I thought nothing of it, having tried the product before, unable to notice a difference in skin quality. However, one of my coworkers lamented “I like how he gave me the age-defying one” which made me laugh until I looked down at mine: firming.

“Hey, which one did you get?” I called out.

“Rejuvenating. What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I got age-defying too.”

We ran over to another desk to find our absent coworker had received “clarifying.”

It was one of those moments where we of course doubted ourselves and wondered if the hand outs had not been so random, if we had individually been targeted for our skin flaws.

Of course we squawked like a bunch of hens with image issues, knowing in some way or another we were given products with pretty names but in reality we were pinned as dry, loose, wrinkled, and oily.

The only consolation was that the product wasn’t douche. Or vagina cream.

Killing me softly with his snot

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It’s no secret dogs are my one true source of joy. Pretty much any dog will make me gasp in pure delight. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve trained my eye to seek out those cute little creatures no matter where I go. There have even been times when I’ve prematurely let out “Awwwws” only to realize the “dog” was really a plastic bag blowing in the wind. So, when I visited Taiwan for the first time in four years I was stoked to find out my uncle’s family had welcomed a wiener dog named Stupid into their lives. Something about dogs brings out the child in me, and after a family outing, I demanded that we go out of the way to visit Stupid. My request was fulfilled and karma prevailed as I re-discovered that I am apparently allergic to dog snot/spit/excretory fluids. Mind you, Stupid is a hyperactive wiener dog puppy, and is sweet enough to give me kisses unlike my childhood dog, Poochie. So I present to you what happens the moment I’m allowed to feel the slightest form of happiness:

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Let’s just chalk this up to yet another thing I’m allergic to, and one more way for me to break out in hives!