After years of separation from my one true gay love, Mike, I found myself back in his arms and heart at Miyabe on Castro along with Daniel and Seaslut. A few large Sapporo beers later we were at The Mint for some cheesy karaoke – or so we thought. Turns out they’re very serious about their Karaoke at The Mint although the first act, a lesbian singing “Stronger” (Kanye, not Britney) as Julie Andrews, was not a true indication of acceptable karaoke practices. When Daniel finally succumbed to peer pressure and started drinking he used his buzz for evil and signed me up for my favorite atrocious song, Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl.” Refusing to go on stage without their presence we stumbled to the front of the bar and were quickly admonished by the “KJ” for not letting him know we were going to share the stage. I poured my soul into the song, belting out the lines “Uh huh this my shit” and “This shit is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s” like there was no tomorrow.

Let’s just say, The Mint gays that night were a tough crowd. Bar patrons ignored us and the front row looked at us with annoyance throughout the entire performance. When we finished screaming into our mics not a single pair of hands clapped for us, leaving us to depart the stage in shame, my Harajuku girl dreams dissipating with each step. We sat in the back, embarrassed, as old gays won the crowd back with show tunes and other ballads, all the while flipping through the catalogue for our redemption song which was of course “Bootylicious.” In true Destiny’s Child fashion we argued over who got to be Beyonce but got over our differences long enough to go on and rock the song. We were thrilled with our performance and convinced that the crowd loved us this time around. Something tells me we were just drunk.