Category Archives: Failure

Financial Crisis!

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Last night I actually kissed a piece of mail for the first time.

I got my check for my 2nd job.  It was 5 days late.  I kissed it because I had been freaking out all week.  I don’t get paid until next Wednesday and I had $30 in my bank account and no food.  There was going to be A LOT of ramen and mac and cheese going on over the weekend.

But then!  The check!  It showed up!  I kissed it!

It was for $100.  Yes, $100 will get me that excited.  Sigh.  All of this makes me think I should just go into the venerable practice of whoring.  Because, you know, there are perks to being all cash money all the time.

Like my body?

Would you like some cheese with my whine?

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So, this is going to be a boring post where basically all I’m going to do is whine. There you go, that’s my warning. Grace said it’ll make me not want to die so much, so I’ll give it a try.

I don’t know why I jumped from one job that I constantly complained about right into another. My last job I loved my work but hated the people. This job the people are nice but the work isn’t quite matched with my skillset or interest, which I should’ve known but I was just determined to get a new job. I think I want out of the non-profit arts, start-up mentality world. I think I need a “get well” job even though I’m not in rehab or anything. Maybe working at a cute little bookstore in the Castro where I can’t take any work home with me, and have time to really focus on my social life (priorities, bitch!) and some creative projects on the side.

I was home in San Jose last weekend and out at this gay club called Splash and I realized San Jose gays are weird! But then I started thinking what if I just stayed in San Jose, and grew into one of them; shaved my head, got a tattoo on my neck and still plucked my eyebrows. Maybe I would fit in? They seemed so happy…

Nah, I’m much more of the trashed out, drugged up, screaming queen San Francisco type. Or maybe I should move to the desert like I’ve been feeling so compelled to do for some reason (I wonder what desert gays are like?!)

All I know is I need more excitement in my life. While I was at Splash dancing with some guy that I didn’t even like who left HIS SWEAT STAINS ON MY SHIRT, my best friend was texting me about her threesome with 2 Aussie guys in Las Vegas. Bitch.

Hmm, my wanting-to-die meter went down from like an 8 to a 7. Maybe you’re right about this sad.sigh posting thing, Grace.;) Sorry guys, you might just be hearing more from me in the next few days…

The Reality of Excitement

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So, I was walking home from the gym when suddenly I realized that the construction on the North Side of Newtown Avenue between 31st Street and 30th Avenue, (don’t ask, Astoria is full of contradictions), was nearing a close and they had reopened the sidewalk.

My initial, and very emphatic reaction was:

Oh.  My.  God.  The North Side of Newtown is open again!

Let me add some context.  I am a creature of habit.  Therefore, every Saturday and Sunday, after vacuuming and sterilizing my apartment, I take the exact same route from my house to the gym. Continue reading →

Maternal nagging at its best

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I looked over my finances today and declared to my mom that I had saved up enough money to go traveling to which she responded, “Yes, but that’s not enough for a down payment on a house.” I gave my usual response of, “Buy me a house in New York” and she said her usual, “Why always New York, just get a place in California” and then added something new, “You’re not meant for New York, you’re a Californian.”

In response, I strangled my mom, slowly adding more pressure around her neck, causing her to curse at me in Chinese. Then she lifted her arm up to my neck and put her hand around it in what I thought was an attempt to choke me back before she gasped out, “Quit…making…a…double…chin.”

Even in her “last moments” she couldn’t even give me any peace and had to have the last insult. So fitting, and when I yelled at her about what she had just done, she just laughed and laughed.