Category Archives: God Hates Me

Sad.Sigh Down Under – Part 9

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11.25.08 – Queenstown – ADVENTURE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!!!!!

Dudes.  It is EXTREME down here in Queenstown.

Or at least that’s what the marketing would have you know.

I awake at 5:45am, (blerg), to head out for my skydive, (glurg), only to learn that it has been canceled on account of the weather.  Curse you, RAAAAAAIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!  (shakes fist)  Yes, folks, it has rained 4 out of the 5 days we’ve been in New Zealand.  Why?  Because God Hates Me, that’s why.  For more evidence of this, please see further down in the post when I talk about my ‘Paradise Found’ journey. Continue reading →

Sad.Sigh Down Under – Parts 1, 2 and 3

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Yay!  Blogging from afar!  (G – we need a Sad.Sigh Abroad category.)

11.15.08 – NYC, Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.

But first, a small tangent.  So, prior to my departure from JFK to SYD, I’d received a text message from my Magic Phone Panel telling me that they were disbanding the panel immediately, and that my phone service would be shut off on November 20th and that I would have to switch my service to an account of my own name, or be faced with account termination.  (I love when they use such mean, forceful language.  It makes me feel like I’m being abused, and I like that.)  So, Friday night at 11:30pm, as I’m sexing up my boyf, (in this case, sexing up = watching Ugly Betty), I get another text message and e-mail with instructions on how to switch my account over.  I was relieved at this, as I thought they weren’t going to get it to me in time before I left for the wonders of Down Under, (I promise this will be the 8th to last time that I use the phrase ‘Down Under’).  However, it turns out that, because I tried calling on Saturday, and my account was solely handled by AT&T’s Small Business Unit, I couldn’t get anyone to make the switch for me.  I tried their main number, I tried the number that was supplied to me by Magic Phone Panel, Inc., I tried a corporate store, I tried the main Transfer of Service line.  All to no avail.  Perhaps it’s time for me to try switching to a different provider?  The stupid fucking lowdown is that I’m going to have to stupid fucking do the whole transfer from Australia, and negotiate the dumass time differential, which is complicated for me, because I’m dumb.  Feel sorry for me.  Tangent done. Continue reading →

Bad Carma

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On Friday, after several employees in my company were handed pink slips, I was asked by my boss to stay an extra night in San Francisco so we could meet up Monday to discuss my imminent lay off. Despite dreaming about this for months, if not years, I was still anxious and apprehensive about meeting my fate after almost three years of working at the company that shall not be named. Gradually, over the course of the weekend, and eating and talking with friends, I had basically come to terms with being let go before my desired lay off date (January or February). Instead of thinking about the lost salary for my trip and savings, I began thinking about starting my trip earlier.

So flash forward to Monday. I started work on time from bed and texted my boss to find out when and where we were to meet. When it became apparent that the meeting was not going to happen I found myself sadly “rejoicing” the fact that not only did I slip by with another day’s pay, but that I was going to capitalize off Veteran’s day too. My plan then became to beat traffic going from San Francisco to Sunnyvale, and cash my check while I was at it. I packed up all my stuff, got to my car, looked at it, felt momentary confusion, and then came to accept that some jerk had smashed in my front passenger window. Yes, of the very same door that was very recently damaged by said boss.
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The Work-A-Day World

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Let me walk you through my routine at work as I believe everyone can agree it’s pretty Sad Sigh worthy.

I get in to my office and unlock my door. It’s true, I have my very own office with a door, and yet it doubles as a storage closet and so I have to essentially stumble over boxes in order to get to my desk. Once I sit down, I take a good, long look at my inbox and decide of anything needs my immediate attention. Usually, there is something. This morning, for example, I arrived to see that a co-worker had forwarded me an email he had initially sent the copywriter without realizing she was on vacation. Of course, it needs my immediate (emphasis his) attention. It involves “coming up with a clever title” for a trip to Romania and an intro paragraph telling travelers what they can expect from the trip (I am tempted to write something along the lines of “Enjoy tourist cheesiness like you’ve never seen before at Dracula’s Castle and thrill to the discovery of the loss of your petty cash as gypsies pick your pockets in other parts of Transylvania”). I don’t know why he can’t do this himself as I have never been to Romania and he has been multiple times.

So, I start thinking about that when 8 emails from my boss arrive, each with 1 individual website update, mostly small, all entirely unnecessary, and ALL flagged with the “IMPORTANT!!” flag. So I work on those for awhile, go back and write an intro paragraph and then I spend the rest of my day in one of two ways. Either I a) am ferrying myself around the office fixing stupid tech things that actually have very little to do with tech support and a lot to do with plain, annoying ignorance (“How do I empty my email?” “Why isn’t this Excel formula working?” “How come my iPod isn’t syncing up with iTunes”) or b) I give up and spend the rest of the day reading Go Fug Yourself praying for Bai Ling to make my day worthwhile and tell everyone I’m “working on projects” and stop answering my email.

When the clock finally runs out, I get home, I check Craig’s List, I discover there are no well paying jobs in New York I am qualified for, and then I cry myself to sleep because I have done nothing – literally, nothing – for my job that qualifies as actual progress toward any attainable goal. Whenever I try to push a project forward, I end up exchanging emails with my boss all day as to why a new website is necessary or why we really should not have our servers in an unventilated, tiny room where they have previously melted some of the wiring. Then she stops replying and two weeks later when I ask her if I can move forward with the project, the cycle repeats itself.

True story.

I live to entertain

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But that doesn’t mean I lead a life intended for your entertainment. It just happens that my life blunders are entertaining to others, and I just keep on living for some twisted reason. I had lunch with my friend Michelle last week and though my weathered brain cannot remember the topic of conversation, I do recall her laughing and saying something like “Oh my God you’re life is so sad!” to which I responded, “Why do you think I have a site devoted to it?” She, of course, is not a reader of this cursed blog.

Last Thursday I was on my way to have lunch with Kristina before heading up to San Francisco for a fancy night at the W (courtesy of Abe’s fancy firm) when I walked out of my apartment without my bag, my wallet, my keys (car and house), or my cell phone. I did, however, have my laptop. The short of it was, I called my mom, her friend answered, laughed at me for being on the porch and basically refused to notify my mom of the situation because my mom was on the other line. After 40 minutes of sitting on the porch with my headset on in 85 degree weather and my burning laptop on me, I finally called my mom back and her friend finally got her off the phone. Over an hour after stepping out to the porch of doom I was finally rescued – minus the Google lunch, plus a little heat stroke. Then I sat in the car for 40 min waiting for Abe in SF.

The following is a typical conversation of my mishaps:
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