Sassed on the street by a stranger

I was walking past a gas station with Lesley in Brooklyn trying not to make eye contact with a man sitting in an awkwardly parked van when I heard someone say something to my left.

By instinct, I turned around only to see a man pumping gas before realizing he had said, “That’s sexy.”

Of course when I turned around, he must have thought I thought he was talking about me, so he made sure to tell me, “Not you. The other one. She’s got a bigger chest.”

Which is true. By far. You heard it here first.

A txt msg convo

Sad-Sigh fanbase – all 6 of you – Let me transcribe for you guys a text message conversation I had with my roommate, the illustrious J. Lopez this weekend.  Please note that I received the first message shortly after she arrived in West Palm Beach for vacation.

J: Fractured foot.  Have cast.  Spent my day in the hospital.  Woohoo

D: NO.

D: You in fla?

J: Yeah.  But Broke it in new York and sucked it up til I got here.

D: Omg!  How??  Your parents w you?

J: Stepping off the bus at lga.  Felt it pop and almost passed out.  I was alone but now am with my grandparents. Continue reading

Struck by shower head

I have a love hate relationship with my shower at home. I love to hate it. Wah wah. There is no such thing as “jumping into the shower” at my place unless you’re looking to get doused with either freezing water or scalding water. Adjusting it is a fine art I have not learned despite having used it for 2.5 years by this point. I have figured out that only turning on the hot water takes several minutes to yield hot water. At that point, the cold water has to be cranked on, and the hot water has to be cranked down. Too many twists in either direction results in waiting uncomfortably out of the water’s reach while the temperature adjusts itself. One might think this method is a waste of water. Luckily, there is absolutely no water pressure so if it’s even possible to get a decent temperature going, one much patiently hang out under the dribble of water waiting for enough water to work up a lather and then more to rinse it out.

I had toyed with the notion of replacing the shower head, because that worked for Daniel. When I looked at the shower head, I once again remembered it was a newer, fancier model, and it did nothing to fix the water pressure. I then decided to hold onto the hose, I’m not sure why, maybe to cry out in anguish about the slightly too hot water, but mostly to see if I could even feel the water rushing through it. I couldn’t, and that’s when it happened. The shower head worked out of the holder, and before I could block it went THWUMP! and fell all top heavy directly onto my shoulder. I was surprised by how much it hurt, but I guess my already weakened emotional status could not handle the blunt force trauma. Immediately I thought about posting it to Sad-Sigh, then I forgot until I scratched my shoulder and felt the invisible bruise.

Sad.Sigh Down Under – Part 9

11.25.08 – Queenstown – ADVENTURE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!!!!!

Dudes.  It is EXTREME down here in Queenstown.

Or at least that’s what the marketing would have you know.

I awake at 5:45am, (blerg), to head out for my skydive, (glurg), only to learn that it has been canceled on account of the weather.  Curse you, RAAAAAAIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!  (shakes fist)  Yes, folks, it has rained 4 out of the 5 days we’ve been in New Zealand.  Why?  Because God Hates Me, that’s why.  For more evidence of this, please see further down in the post when I talk about my ‘Paradise Found’ journey. Continue reading

Sad.Sigh Down Under – Part 4

11.18.08 – Taronga Zoo, Oxford Street/Darlinghurst

Rachel, Jamie’s friend from The JC was supposed to leave to head back to the States this afternoon.  However, before she was to do that, we decided to go to the Taronga Zoo, on Sydney’s North Shore.  Jamie, who’s been to 167 zoos whilst she’s been here, (including world-famous Australia Zoo of dead-via-stingray Steve Irwin fame), opted out on account of her general lameness. Continue reading