Category Archives: Makes Me Wanna Die

I’ll lift you back up, gays!

Posted on by
6

In the big picture, there was nothing sad about last night’s election results – we elected Barack Obama as our next president. Enough said. Bring on the change.

And yet, in a country where we can overcome eight years of hell and embarrassment – thank god my pledge of ignorance is coming to an end – we’ve suddenly taken a huge step back. I was fearful I had to be ashamed of being an American, but for sure I’m ashamed to be one in the state of California. I’ve always known there were pockets of scary here, but I never really associated them with my neighbors, or people I work with, or the people I went to school with. In my mind, because I had gravitated toward the liberal, I naively assumed the rest of the state was behind me too.

Last night’s feeling of “the rest of them finally get it” turned into sadness as the California results trickled in: Animal rights, yes. Abortion rights, yes. Same-sex marriage, no. What. The. Fuck.

I went to sleep with 62% of the precincts reporting on Prop 8, hoping they had just left out the good ones and woke up at 5 am nervous, and then 10 am disappointed. I was hoping to use this picture as an unusual sign of celebration on this site to rejoice about all the upcoming gay weddings I would attend with open bar and copious boys to fulfill my dream of being lifted by a group of gays.

Lifted by a gay on July 4th

Instead, with sadness, I will have to use this picture to encourage people to come lift me at MY future wedding, which is rude. Or, I can promise to do more next time to help lift up my gays, if not for equal rights for everybody, then for my growing obsession of being gloriously lifted. I mean, look at that picture, look at how happy I am. And fuck you, 52%, for denying my right to lifted by gays, single or married (but preferably married because the more gays to lift, the better).

The Work-A-Day World

Posted on by
3

Let me walk you through my routine at work as I believe everyone can agree it’s pretty Sad Sigh worthy.

I get in to my office and unlock my door. It’s true, I have my very own office with a door, and yet it doubles as a storage closet and so I have to essentially stumble over boxes in order to get to my desk. Once I sit down, I take a good, long look at my inbox and decide of anything needs my immediate attention. Usually, there is something. This morning, for example, I arrived to see that a co-worker had forwarded me an email he had initially sent the copywriter without realizing she was on vacation. Of course, it needs my immediate (emphasis his) attention. It involves “coming up with a clever title” for a trip to Romania and an intro paragraph telling travelers what they can expect from the trip (I am tempted to write something along the lines of “Enjoy tourist cheesiness like you’ve never seen before at Dracula’s Castle and thrill to the discovery of the loss of your petty cash as gypsies pick your pockets in other parts of Transylvania”). I don’t know why he can’t do this himself as I have never been to Romania and he has been multiple times.

So, I start thinking about that when 8 emails from my boss arrive, each with 1 individual website update, mostly small, all entirely unnecessary, and ALL flagged with the “IMPORTANT!!” flag. So I work on those for awhile, go back and write an intro paragraph and then I spend the rest of my day in one of two ways. Either I a) am ferrying myself around the office fixing stupid tech things that actually have very little to do with tech support and a lot to do with plain, annoying ignorance (“How do I empty my email?” “Why isn’t this Excel formula working?” “How come my iPod isn’t syncing up with iTunes”) or b) I give up and spend the rest of the day reading Go Fug Yourself praying for Bai Ling to make my day worthwhile and tell everyone I’m “working on projects” and stop answering my email.

When the clock finally runs out, I get home, I check Craig’s List, I discover there are no well paying jobs in New York I am qualified for, and then I cry myself to sleep because I have done nothing – literally, nothing – for my job that qualifies as actual progress toward any attainable goal. Whenever I try to push a project forward, I end up exchanging emails with my boss all day as to why a new website is necessary or why we really should not have our servers in an unventilated, tiny room where they have previously melted some of the wiring. Then she stops replying and two weeks later when I ask her if I can move forward with the project, the cycle repeats itself.

True story.

I live to entertain

Posted on by
11

But that doesn’t mean I lead a life intended for your entertainment. It just happens that my life blunders are entertaining to others, and I just keep on living for some twisted reason. I had lunch with my friend Michelle last week and though my weathered brain cannot remember the topic of conversation, I do recall her laughing and saying something like “Oh my God you’re life is so sad!” to which I responded, “Why do you think I have a site devoted to it?” She, of course, is not a reader of this cursed blog.

Last Thursday I was on my way to have lunch with Kristina before heading up to San Francisco for a fancy night at the W (courtesy of Abe’s fancy firm) when I walked out of my apartment without my bag, my wallet, my keys (car and house), or my cell phone. I did, however, have my laptop. The short of it was, I called my mom, her friend answered, laughed at me for being on the porch and basically refused to notify my mom of the situation because my mom was on the other line. After 40 minutes of sitting on the porch with my headset on in 85 degree weather and my burning laptop on me, I finally called my mom back and her friend finally got her off the phone. Over an hour after stepping out to the porch of doom I was finally rescued – minus the Google lunch, plus a little heat stroke. Then I sat in the car for 40 min waiting for Abe in SF.

The following is a typical conversation of my mishaps:
Continue reading →

High on the pathetic meter

Posted on by
1

I work from home and despite what you all might think, it’s not as great as it sounds. Sure, there are a few things that are awesome like having no commute but the past two weeks have left me feeling a combination of gross and stir crazy. I’m also prone to confessing the not so glamorous sides of working from the comforts of my home(s).

Coworker I barely know: You’re lucky you get to work from home.
Me: Yah, I know but it has its drawbacks.
Me: For one, I really want to go out and get a tasty burrito – but then I’d have to get dressed.
Coworker: Ha. That’s the most awesome thing I’ve heard recently.

Beyond the pathetic nature of my slothy appearance I think the one thing that gets to me most is the lack of exposure to the outside world. I literally suffer from extreme cabin fever and when the work day ends, I can’t believe how slowly time drags because I’ve been home all day. Before, lunch would break up the day, but now I tend to eat at home because of the whole rolling out of bed to work and using my lunch to shower, keeps me from seeing beyond four walls. Also, not having any distractions means for the most part, I’m actually working all eight hours non-stop. WTF!

Then there’s the whole insanely uncomfortable, non-ergonomic workstation I have set up because there’s no space in my room for working – but that’s a whole other issue, and not one that is new in my experience with this company: http://sad-sigh.com/2006/06/13/early-retirement/

For now, I stop, as I’m literally in front of my work computer and need to take a break.

Oh, San Jose. What chaos you have wrought in my life!

Posted on by
5


I am the Scottish flag in the conversation below:

This is a phenomenon I was discussing with Gracie yesterday, and then it came up in conversation with my coworker. Not only did San Jose saddle me to the most boring adolescence this side of Amish country, but it also saddled me to a life of always knowing more than everyone else about computers EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TWO DEGREES IN LITERATURE. This is a conversation with my co-worker, Anne, who is the exact same age as I am. There is no reason why I know these things and she doesn’t…EXCEPT SAN JOSE. That’s all I can think of that makes us different since I certainly didn’t learn this shit at Sarah Lawrence. I grew up in the fucking Silicon Valley with nerds at high school who built their own computers and she grew up in Alaska and now I am doomed to be the default tech support person at every job I ever have that doesn’t keep an actual IT person on staff.

Well, I say NO MORE. After I am done at this job, I will be moving to a new one where I play dumb. I will not try to be helpful in the least, I will just shake my head sadly and pound on the keyboard and pretend I do not know how to insert a picture into Word (!!! Seriously, my boss asked me to do this for her yesterday).