Category Archives: Observations

sad things that you observe happening to other people

Why People in Britain Always Talk About the Weather

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I’m blogging again about the weather.  I know!  I know!  It’s cliche!  I move to the UK and it’s all I can think to talk about anymore, aside from the dissertation that should have been started already. 

Anyway, I have a second date tonight with a boy I like a lot.  We used to work together at the deli before he got fired and I quit, and then through the wonders of the internets (Facebook) I got in contact with him and we went for drinks.  This is only incidental to my story but I just wanted to brag that I’m not SO sad that no one wants to date me.  Haha!  I’ve got a date!  And not with a drug dealer this time! (That’s a story for another time).

So, being a girl, I started obsessing over what to wear.  It’s not really a date so much as I’ve invited him along to watch me and my flatmates get completely sloshed for the end of the semester.  I told him we’re entertainment and besides, they’ve both invited boys.  I figured, since it’s May, I should be able to wear my pretty pretty sun dress and sandals.

Think again, says Mr. Weather.

May 19th and it has barely broken 15C (about 60F).  I turned on my computer and the little widgit that tells me what the weather’s going to be like had rain coming out of the sun.  Rain does not come out of the sun, I thought, and put my dress on anyway.

Except then it did.

No lie.  I was minding my own business, putting my makeup on in my room when I look outside.  The sun is still shining furiously and it is chucking down rain.  Like, absolutely pissing.  It was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen.

And this is why there is the cultural phenomenon of British people liking to talk about the weather.  Because it’s fucking messed up!

2.5 litres of water

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boomSome say that the office/cubicle life is shallow and unfulfilling. There’s a phrase associated with people that make such seemingly negative observations: “no shit sherlock!” If you’re like me, the office is all you got. It encompasses your life 9-10 hours a day without respite. Sometimes it even holds you hostage keeps you company on the weekend. Often times late at night when you should be doing this thing called “socializing,” whatever the fuck that is.

At some point over my two years here, each day sitting at my desk each day with that famous blank look on my face, I started to notice things. Strange wonderful things like the perfect way to slouch so no one can see that your eyes are shut and you don’t have to support you neck while you sleep. You learn things about people like who not to shake hands with because you sit close enough to the bathroom to know who doesn’t wash before going back to work.

It was another bathroom observation I made recently. I tend to make bathroom observations…

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Things that make you go “tee hee” behind a paper fan

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Last weekend I was sitting at a table waiting for Thai takeout and there was this older Asian woman sitting by me, engrossed in a conversation with the waitress. I’m always intrigued when I hear fluent, barely or non-accented English coming out of older Asians because I’m first generation and pretty much only accustomed to Chinglish coming from the mouth of wise elders.

Well, after the conversation died down, the waitress went to the back and the woman started eating her food. Only a few bites in she stood up and started reaching deep into the pockets of her high-waisted jeans. The aisles are narrow at Siam Chan, so when the waitress returned, the lady was in the way, and caught in an awkward position of having her hands shoved down her jeans. As people often do when odd behavior is witnessed by others, the woman felt the need to qualify her actions and continue just a bit longer.

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An Imagined Conversation

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Grace: So, I’ve been thinking of taking up prostitution.
Denny: Did I say you could talk to me?
Grace: BAAAA! Shut up.
Denny: Why prositution? Are you running out of money? Is a thin film growing over your vagina?
Grace: Nah, although… gross. I dunno. I think I’d just like the daily variety, you know? I enjoy the thrill of the proposition.
Denny: That makes a certain kind of sense
Grace: I was going to say that I love the thrill of the proposition, but I realized that I don’t love.
Denny: Then prositution is the perfect profession for you.
Grace: Although I don’t know if the rush would match the rush that I get when I come up with a good caption for a video. I mean a really good caption.
Denny: I can see that.
Grace: So, how’s the cat?
Denny: Dead.
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