Category Archives: Stupid

Softboiled Idiot

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I’ve decided that waiting until the point of starvation and then eating Angelina Jolie’s babies is not exactly a good way to stay healthy. I can’t really help what time I eat dinner since I never know when I’ll be working late (p.s. it’s every day). But I decided I would eat some protein in the morning and see how that works. Hardboiled eggs, minus the yolk, seems like an easy alternative to starving, right?

So I just boiled up a pot of water and in my attempt to not be scalded by the rippling hot water, I kinda dropped the first egg in. Crack. White stuff started to ooze out in the way only a cooking egg can ooze. Number two and number three did a little better. I got a bit too confident though and dropped and cracked the forth egg. Now they’re all in the pot quickly becoming hard boiled little eggies covered in broken egg-ed matter – and I’m going to retreat back into the dark, watch some more “Big Love” and think about how else I fail at life.

Never make out with shady guys who deliver furniture at a party no matter how hot they are

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So- I would like to preface my first “blog” by saying that I am living in the Philippines. On an island that is pulsating with sexual energy i swear, so please don’t judge. Also- for those that are at all stomach-weak at mention of homosexual activity please do not read on. Actually- that is probably a good disclaimer for ANY entry I write here- altough this particular entry contains very very mild content of that sort.

So- I arrive to my place at 7:30 AM on Saturday having been out all night. I have random blotches of henna smeared over my legs, elbows, and arms. My feet are caked in dirt. My white shirt is browned from a mixture of henna, dirt, grass stains, and god knows what else. My ass and back are bruised and sore from jumping on who I can’t even remember and falling smack down on the concrete. I am missing my digital camera- and I have a phone that smells like shit because it was clogged in a toilet and also missing the battery. Definition of a mess. Not cute.

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Stupid

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I am stupid.  This is why I can never succeed in life.  I just spent a good 30 minutes (if not more), listing all the email addresses for the people in my group at work for someone in another department.  I just realized there is a feature that allows me to email everyone in my group, effectively listing all the emails in the “To” box in Outlook for me.

Why didn’t I notice this feature until after I had emailed my self-compiled list out?  Because I am one dumb mofo.

that’s brilliants !

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I hate talking on aim. That probably has to do with me having no friends. It’s easier to type a few brilliants cursory words to someone rather than calling them and actually engaging in some sort of human to human interaction. Ew. Who does that? I heard that’s how you get Herpagonasyphlaids.

But then, I can’t avoid Gmail and it’s brilliants evil compadre google-talk. I log onto Gmail to sort through spam because it’s another something that gives me a sense of belonging and meaning and someone brilliants messages me.

I think, “Brilliants Damnit! I’m at work and can’t talk,” but then chat some anyway since anything is better than work.

Blah. The whole “point” is that my old roommate msged me and kept saying “brilliants.” Not in place of ‘brilliance’, he was using it in place of the word ‘brilliant,’ which made it infinitely more irritating. Like, “UCLA played brilliants.” Or “drinking beer is a brilliants idea.”

Now it’s stuck in my head. That bastard. Damn him and his brilliants retarded genius.

It’s Friday. Don’t forget to ridicule and mock those who are different to make yourself feel better. That’s pure brilliance.

friday