Sad-Sigh

I guess I deserved that

Grace — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 04:50:47 +0000

I was feeling ambitious so I emailed back the guy who told me my interview was canceled because the position was filled internally. I explained that I had noticed the job posting was still on the site and that my application status was still listed as “in process” so I expressed my interest in continuing with an interview if the position was indeed available. I just checked the status again. Instead of being “closed” like a position at another company was, it simply read “not selected.” Ouch.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Grace — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 02:04:05 +0000

That’s how I feel right now - except the scream is more of a muted, muffled scream rather than a loud, barbaric one. I’m so frustrated about how stagnant everything is. I’m just waiting for something to happen and I’m running out of patience. I feel incredibly isolated and alone and want to curl up into a ball and just go to sleep forever. But I probably wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. HAHAHAH!

Here comes the (headless) bride

Grace — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 10:07:34 +0000

Needless to say, Lesley and I were both delighted by this masterpiece we discovered. It was sitting on top of a trash can in front of a liquor store, head totally not in sight. What’s not represented in the photo is the array of champagne glasses tied to this centerpiece.

I like to think that someone saved the wedding cake decorations and then, when times got tough, snapped off the wife’s head and trashed it all.

Ailing in my old age

Grace — Fri, 28 May 2010 01:47:56 +0000

I’ve been exercising regularly for the past couple of months or so and have kept up my minimum of 8 minutes a day strength training for 60+ days now. One would think this regimen would have led me to better health or what not. Instead, it’s served as a reminder that I’m old as fuck. My left knee has been consistently bothering me for, oh, nearly a month now. A simple walk can lead to discomfort that I can only imagine is caused by probably having zero cartilage left in there. Last night, I somehow managed to pull my butt, which is becoming a more regular occurrence and can happen without warning. I slept poorly throughout the night because it fucking hurt. The worst part is I had to cancel rock climbing tonight because if sitting or walking hurt, bending awkwardly to find a foothold certainly ain’t gonna make it better. I’m looking into acupuncture but maybe someday Dr. Ann will physical therapy my ass (literally) into shape instead of deeming me too broken to fix.

The allergy I forgot about

Grace — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 22:39:57 +0000

If I had a Med-alert bracelet my allergies would read: cats, walnuts, penicillin, nature, fragrances and stupid people. I’ve just remembered that I should probably add “dog snot” to the list - something I forgot about until an unfortunate situation occurred.

Yesterday, I played with Fats while peering at Townie Baby, then went to Emily’s to eat ice cream cake and play with Shu-Mai, my stay-in-bed lady companion. There was a lot of dog playing and zero hand washing. When I got home, while talking to my dad, I rubbed my eyes, knowing I shouldn’t do so without having washed my hands first. Then, they started to itch more, so I of course started to rub more. Then, they started to burn, along with the area around my eyes. The whole time I was thinking, “Why am I suddenly getting such intense allergies?!”

When I went to the bathroom to check out the situation and wash my hands it finally dawned on me that not only was I rubbing dirty hands in my eyes, but I was also rubbing dog snot all over. Remember this? Well, it wasn’t a one time occurrence, unfortunately. I must now drill it into my mind that if I’m playing with a dog, I must a) never allow it to touch my face with its nose and now b) make sure that if my hands touch its nose, mouth, whatever it is that causes burning, I must not touch any part of my face or neck unless I want this to happen again:



Needless to say I frantically searched my room for my allergy eye drops and popped an allergy pill and frantically washed my face and hands to get rid of any remaining dog residue. The saddest part is when I went to show my dad and he told me I shouldn’t play with dogs.



Craigslist is on to me
Grace — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 00:29:07 +0000
This weekend, for a few reasons, has been rough. I may or may not have just gotten “dressed” about an hour ago so I could sell something off Craigslist (made $75, yay!) and not look like a total sloth. Getting dressed basically involved changing out of flannel pajama pants and a thermal (it’s 74 degrees outside but you’d never know being inside my apartment) into a pair of lazy pants and the same shirt from yesterday (shut up, I plan on exercising in a bit and why dirty up a clean shirt?). Instead of brushing my hair I just pulled it back. I have had worse days but now Craigslist is calling me out when I’m posting stuff to verify that I’m a real person? Rude. 

Yes I realize I’m “going shabbier” but now I’m starting to feel like, more than ever, the internets are on to me.



Breathing is exhausting, apparently
Grace — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 06:12:34 +0000
So it’s been 445 days since I last played the Wii Fit. This time around, it said I was underweight and let me choose a goal to increase my muscle mass in order to get a normal BMI. It makes me laugh because tonight I kinda binged on all the delightful things I bought at Trader Joe’s but apparently that weight won’t register until tomorrow. 
Anyway, I played about 35 Wii Fit minutes of strength training, balance and aerobics before I decided to end with some yoga. The breathing exercise told me I was a yoga pro. The next one, half moon, also told me I was doing great. However, what the game didn’t realize was halfway through, the combination of just finishing aerobics and doing deep breathing got me very dizzy. Very very dizzy. I had to lie down on my bed to keep from passing out, all the while listening to the “instructor” telling me how great I was doing. 
When I finally got done feeling like I was going to pass out entirely, I stood up, and then got all dizzy again. So back on the bed I went where I pressed a bunch of buttons until it told me I lost 95 lbs (I wasn’t standing on the board anymore), met my goal and should start another one. Crazy, and stupid. When the blackness faded, I turned that shit off. 
I have to say I like the exercises mostly because they teach me the right way to stretch, and I like the little games they let me play so far. Now I’m determined to keep up my Wii Fit playing because a) I paid for it and have used it three times, maybe and b) I want to unlock more games.



I’ll miss these interactions
Grace — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 05:56:04 +0000
Too lazy to use words to express her desire to dismiss me, my mom resorted to making a space laser noise.
Me: You’re like a big kid, making noises.

Mom: (Staring at me for a moment) My double chin disappeared and went on your face!

Me: You’re like a rude, big kid.

Mom: (laughs)



Oh what a beautiful - AHHHHH!
Grace — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 00:39:00 +0000

I waited until my walk back from Safeway to take this photo because on the way there, a man would have seen what I was doing, and I didn’t want him to judge.



What’s more sad?
Grace — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 20:48:32 +0000
The fact that I used to be a big Barenaked Ladies fan, or the fact that this song popped up in iTunes the other day and seriously made me wanna die? I’ve always liked this song, but I guess I never paid much attention to the lyrics until now. And seriously, this pretty much sums up how things went for me, so I present to you my definitive Break up Song 2010, even though pretty much all songs are about break ups.
Words & Music by Steven Page 
The bravest thing I’ve ever done

Was to run away and hide

But not this time, not this time

And the weakest thing I’ve ever done

Was to stay right by your side

Just like this time, and every time

I couldn’t tell you I was happy when you were gone

So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart.

I couldn’t tell you, so I had to lead you on

But I didn’t mean to break your heart.

And if I always seem distracted

Like my mind is somewhere else,

That’s because it’s true

Yes it’s true

it’s this stupid pride that makes me feel

Like I have to follow through

Even half-assedly, loving you

Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice?

When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start

Why must I always tell you what I want is this?

I guess cause I wouldn’t want to break your heart
And you said;

“What’d you think that I was gonna do,

Curl up and die just because of you?

I’m not that weak, you know

What’d you think that I was gonna do,

Try to make you love me as much as I love you?

how could you be so low?

You arrogant man,

What do you think that I am?

My heart will be fine

Just stop wasting my time”
And now I’m over you, I’ll be ok

And that i’ve got what I want

And that’s rid of you

Bye

And it’s not cause I’ll be missing you

That makes me fall apart

it’s just that I didn’t mean to break

No, I didn’t mean to break

No, I didn’t mean to break

Your heart

Your heart